today.

it was a crisp, cool, autumn day, one that i spent along the potomac river amidst the brilliant colors of the deciduous trees that make this area of the country so beautiful this time of year. the boys have today and tomorrow off from school so we spent it at great falls state park on the north-west corner of washington dc. it had potential to be a perfect hike through the woods to the sound of falling water. but… it was not to be as such. the boys, joseph in particular, was in a foul mood that he proceeded to share it with all of us through screams and complaints. i would have given anything for silence, save the wind in the trees. but that aside, i didn’t enjoy the park as much as i could have because it reminded me so much of interstate park, located on the st croix in both minnesota and wisconsin, which is filled with memories i would prefer to forget…
this guy i dated last summer and had many adventures with (including interstate park, the rocky mountains in colorado, and the lost coast of northern california), moved away last august which ended things between us. anyway, most of you know that story. i haven’t heard from him since february but on friday, upon receiving a newsletter from his sister whom i am still in contact with, i found out that he got married last month. at first, i was surprised. then i was sad. today inparticular, i found myself being really angry. neither of us handled the whole break up situation as best we could have but he really came out being the jerk. if i had found out about his wedding from him, my feelings would probably have been a little different. but really, i have realized in the past couple days just how much i was still holding on to feelings for him and perhaps, even some hope. but that has been dashed. talking to faith just after i found out, i realized that this situation will allow me to get over it and move past him, which is a good thing. honestly, i really want to cry about it, but the tears haven’t come. so i think i have resorted to anger.
for the most part, i don’t mind not having any friends here. the one thing though, is that i have a tendency to think too much. i think i can over-analyze things and stuff may get held onto longer than it should. being alone almost all the time lends itself to doing that. maybe it’s not a bad thing, but it is kind of annoying. like this guy i have a crush on. i analyze every aspect of our friendship. perhaps that’s just girl thing. a girl with too much time on her hands. on the flip side, it allows me to reflect on things that i have done, decisions that i have made, and what i see doing in the (near) future. that’s a good thing.

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