I really like the sound of Marcus’s voice. Sometimes I feel like I could listen to him forever. I like the way he holds my hand and the way he kisses my forehead. He is going to Roanoke for the next four days and I am going to miss him.
I probably have written some thoughts on this before but I get really frustrated with myself because I tend to be an overly analytical person and I have a lot of insecurities. Those are two things that don’t go very well together. I feel very dysfunctional when it comes to relationships, especially right now because I haven’t been in one for a (relatively) long time (which is kind of a laugh to say). I find myself wanting to be with Marcus all the time which is mostly because I enjoy him so much and partly because he’s really the only person I have to hang out with at all. I think that this whole thing would be easier if I had other friends around to distract me, if you will. But, so it goes. This is an adventure.
Marcus has had two friends die in the last month or so, one of them just this week. If you could pray for him and his other friends, that would be very appreciated. That’s a rough thing to deal with.
I tried going to a show the other night and while looking for parking, I ran over a curb really hard a block later, my tire went flat. Now, changing a flat tire at 9 o’clock at night in North-East DC when it’s freezing and windy out is not a very nice thing to have to do. (Marcus was supposed to go to the show with me and that would have made the whole experience a little easier.) But hey, I know how to change a flat so I jacked up my car and all but then the tire wouldn’t come off. The situation became more and more amusing to me. I was luckily in the lighted parking lot of a Safeway and a nice man and his wife walked by (homeless, apparently) and offered to help. He hit the thing with the jack crank and it came off and he put the donut on. I very much appreciated his help and he gave me some tips for the next time I have to do that. I was going to go to the show anyway but the opening guy was almost done and that’s who I had most wanted to see so I just went home and went to bed. The End.
My step mom has been in town this week for a conference and I had dinner with her and her 80 year old aunt named Gertrude. It was actually a good time. Her aunt was really cool. Kathy and I are going to hang out on Saturday too, she’s going to come have dinner at the house and meet the family and show me her old stomping ground (she kind of grew up around here which is a funny coincidence). It’s nice to have her around.
I have realized this week that there isn’t one person in the world that I think I have or could tell everything to. That’s what best friends should be for, right? But in comes a fear of being judged and I shy away from divulging certain secrets. There are certain people I can tell certain things to and other people I tell other things to and I wouldn’t think that it’s that big of a deal but I guess I worry that no one person will have a full idea of who I am if they only know certain things about me. Maybe I am making this into a bigger deal than it is.
John, the boys, and I went to a Washington Capitals hockey game last night and it was a lot of fun. I really like hockey. They unfortunately lost to the New York Islanders 3 to 2 in a shootout. I don’t like shootouts, they are way too nerve-racking. It was Military Appreciation Night (John gets cheap tickets that way) so everyone got free camouflage Capitals hats. You could tell all the Military kids (so many of them look so young!) by all the buzz cuts. And there were a number of mullets; a lot of rednecks. That was amusing. We were in the very last row at the very top which is actually a good place to watch the game from but poor Joseph got up there and was afraid of heights so he was a little squeamish. It was a really good time though. I hope to go to more games.
I think that I have already written more than I had intended to. But hey, so it goes. I am looking forward to going to California in a couple weeks. I really with I was old enough to rent a car because that would make everything 1,000 times easier. Oh well.