depression is a sucky place to be.

most of the time i just want to sleep all this hurt away. but sleep doesn’t come easily. i don’t have much of an appetite and i have a hard time being motivated to do much of anything. i’m afraid and sad. i find myself in a place that i have never really been in before. this unknowing is killing me.

but, on the other hand, i’m trying to see the big picture. i’m trying to be empathetic and be as reassuring as possible. marcus is having a really rough time in life. i know this isn’t easy for him. i don’t feel like i should explain on this world wide web everything that is going on. for right now, it’s between us and our closest friends. i want him to take time to figure out what he thinks is the best thing to do, even though it’s killing me. slowly but surely, he’s understanding what’s going on.

my whole life feels like an ‘i don’t know.’ august is so uncertain now. and that’s hard too. but, i’m trying to be hopeful. though i also need to realize there might be more hurt ahead.

i know that people love me and are trying to be here for me. i just wish they lived a little closer.

i love marcus, a lot. and i care for him very much. i want him to get through this rough patch and get better. i want to be as supportive as i can. i don’t think he is a bad person for what he’s done. we are going to work through this if it’s possible.

and oh god, i hope we can.

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