me.

I had an appointment at the gym today to get set up on all the machines and then I rode the bikes for a little while and it was great! I am really excited to be doing this. I am hoping to go at least five days a week. It should prove to be a good way to get me out of the house. Most of my working out will have to happen in the evenings which is alright. I must say though, it was nice to wake up, go to the gym, get some coffee and read the newspaper, go home, shower, make breakfast, and go to work. I had more energy than I have in a long time. Of course it was the day that Ilya was sick and we couldn’t leave the house. But besides that, I wish I could work out in the AM. Oh well, work comes first. In four weeks (from tomorrow!) I will be able to figure out any routine I want. And it’s nice because I can work out at any YMCA that has a membership fee that’s less than mine. Which is probably most. (I know Roanoke’s is :) So whether I’m in California or Minnesota or somewhere in between, I can still exercise! Yay.

I got an email from a friend of mine the other day talking about how he admires me because I know who I am and what my identity is, that I am secure in myself, and that I’m strong and mature. I was very flattered and I felt very loved but… I don’t know that I believe her. Not that she’s lying but I have felt so NOT myself, or the self that I thought I was, in the last months. I feel like my identity is in some weird limbo and my insecurities have been strong. I don’t know, maybe she sees something I don’t. Maybe I’m too critical of myself. Or maybe she’s wrong (which I mean in the nicest way, of course).

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