day five.

I decided I should try to blog a little every day of my trip. I usually go somewhere in the morning and sit and have some coffee so I might as well use that time to write. So here we begin, on my fifth day in California.
So this morning, I’m sitting in Sebastopol, where my dad lives, at a coffee shop called Coffee Catz which at this time of day, seems to predominately be… the older crowd. There are these two women, I’d guess in their 50s talking about dating and making love, one of them having been in a relationship with a man 20 years younger. It’s a funny conversation to listen in on (unintentionally, of course) but even stranger still, is I just had a deja vu about it. I think that one of the women is married and has a boyfriend on the side… People and relationships are a weird dynamic.

Yesterday was a tough day. I was very sad. I feel like I am generally unhappy at this time in my life, feeling lost and confused and hurt, but only on certain days does is kind of come to the forefront and affect me. I made that phone call to Abby I had regretted not making the day before and she ended up being home. We talked for almost an hour and it was really nice. I miss that girl so terribly. She was in the midst of sewing a baby bunting in the shape of a squid, something I hope to see a picture of. Anyway, after that, I felt like being alone and I felt like driving so I ended up going out to Point Reyes National Park and it was beautiful. The park itself was foggy and windy and fairly cold but the drive past Tomales Bay was so wonderful. You could see the fog coming over the hills but it was sunny and warm. By the time I got there, walked to the lighthouse, and walked back, I was ready to be home and eat but I still had over an hour’s drive. I went through the Petaluma hills on a road I’ve never been on before. It’s very dry around here so it was really brown but it still had it’s own beauty.

I stayed at my dad’s last night which was nice. I had dropped by there yesterday morning and it was kind of surreal. The house is for sale (just sold, actually, but still showing to a few people) so it’s really clean and there’s a lot of new furniture I’ve never seen and all of the kids are gone (even Andy is living in an apartment now) so they have like, four offices in that house. Hah. Even the dogs weren’t there and all the lights were on and all the doors locked except for one (which is unusual) so it didn’t really feel like my house anymore. (No where feels like home anymore! It’s hard…) My dad and step mom kind of have their own little real estate venture going on and today, I think I’m going to go see it all. They purchased a rental property that they are fixing up and is supposedly really cute. They bought a small house for themselves a couple miles from their current house with what I hear is an amazing view of the valley behind it. I’m looking forward to it. Then tonight, I’m going out to stay by the ocean in a trailer with my mom and her man, Gregg. I’m hoping it’ll be fun.

I still haven’t heard back from the girl whose house I am trying to live in and it’s stressing me out.

I hope today is better than the last.

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